There's Something I'd Like To Share

There's something I'd like to share with you.  At the risk of whittling my readership down to two or three persistent souls, I'd like to talk about something I don't talk about much on my blog.

Living with a long term illness.

Not because I'm wanting to moan, or rant.  Simply in a bid to be authentically me and speak from my heart.

Thank you for staying with me on this.  There is some good news tucked in here.

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Living with a long term illness is tricky.  Not exactly an earth shattering observation, I'll grant you, but I'd like to explain why.

For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with a long term illness in 2003.  Initially I was told I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).  Subsequently, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME).  I was 35.

For those of you who aren't familiar with ME, you can learn more by reading my post from January last year, called Hello Again, where I disclose for the first time here on my blog that I have M.E.

Before I became ill, I related to the world through movement.  I started ballet lessons when I was 4.  I took ballet lessons two or three times a week every week, right up until I left home at 19.  I swam.  I walked and ran.  I learnt to rock climb.  I rode horses.  I didn't learn to drive a car until I was 30 as I walked everywhere I went. I carried on dancing after I left home. I took tap lessons in my 20's. Salsa classes in my early 30's.  I found it really hard to keep still.  I fizzed with energy and loved it.  I even wiggled my feet in my sleep!  I never weighed more than 8 and 1/2 stone.  I was physically active every day throughout my life. Until I got ill.  Then my body stopped fizzing.

Being physically healthy and knowing and loving the power and resilience of my body, and becoming seriously ill and feeling the vulnerability of my body is the most powerful (sometimes heart-breaking) change I have ever experienced.

Being unable to run away from myself (the irony of having ME has not escaped me... being that sitting still used to be nigh on impossible) I have gone on something of an internal journey.  I have been very angry at my body.  I have grieved the loss of being able to dance.  I am learning to be gentle with myself and to accept myself just as I am.  Out of that process something unexpected has happened.


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Living with a long term illness has forced me to look at my own vulnerability.  It has been a difficult and painful process.  Mainly because I have fought it tooth and nail.

But recently, having come-face-to-face with myself, I realised something very important...

It's in our deepest vulnerability that our deepest beauty lies.

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Since I've been ill, the way I view the world, and my place in it, has changed.  I feel less driven.  More patient. Gentler.  My heart has been opened and I'm learning to be less afraid to allow myself to be vulnerable.  I've started to hug first. I've learnt things about myself and the world that I don't believe I'd have understood in the same way without being ill.  In the spirit of allowing myself to be vulnerable, I'd like to share them here with you.

I've learnt...
  • If I cannot change what life brings to me, I can change how I perceive it.
  • What life brings to me isn't a personal attack, even though it can feel very much like it.
  • I always have a choice about how I respond to what happens to me.
  • Being vulnerable can feel like my biggest weakness but accepting my vulnerability is actually my biggest strength.  It opens my heart.  It allows me to be who I really am.  It allows me to be authentic.
  • Illness can offer an opportunity to heal my relationship with myself and others.
  • Accepting everything just as it is releases me.
  • Having compassion for myself just as I am allows me to feel compassion for other people just as they are.
  • I always have a choice to step into a new way of relating to myself, other people, and the world.
  • My external circumstances do not determine my happiness.
  • Happiness is a choice.
  • There is joy in the smallest of treasures.
  • Life offers opportunities to experience joy in every moment.
  • It's OK to be sad and cry because sometimes life hurts.
  • It's OK to ask for help.
  • Sometimes people can't help me but that doesn't mean they don't love me.
  • I always have the choice to come from a place of love or fear.
  • Coming from a place of love makes me feel loved.
  • What I give out always comes back to me.
  • It's OK to panic.  Life can be scary.
  • Whether I am physically healthy or not, all anyone ever has is this moment and I can choose how I want to experience this moment.
  • We are all connected.
  • I am much more than the sum of my physical parts.
  • Gratitude and acceptance have huge power in them.
  • Being healed and being cured are two different things.
  • Love heals.
  • Everything changes.
  • I am OK just as I am.  Even if I can't dance right now.

Since getting ill, I have been forced to stop.  I have been forced to step back from all the externals of life.  I  haven't wanted to but I've been forced to get quiet.

When I got quiet, and stepped nervously into the silent, peaceful place inside myself, I found something much bigger than me.

It feels good to have shared this list with you.  Thank you for reading it. ♥



Thank you Liv Lane for giving me the courage to write this post and press the "publish post" button.

A Monthly Make 2012 - Ice For The Ears

Hello again! How are you?

I've been taking a break from writing blog posts for a wee while.  And it has been lovely to take a step back. I've been able to work on my new blog design and play with colour.  But as I've entered the Monthly Make 2012 challenge, and it's knocking on the end of January, I think it's only decent I share what I've made this month.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel as if my ears are burning.  To remedy this, I've designed and made some ice for the ears.  Just to cool them down. (Do you see what I did there?)


I've used sterling silver wire, lightly forged to add texture and interest, and faceted clear crystal quartz droplets.





I've been experimenting with ways of adding gemstones to my designs without any extra twists or turns of the wire.  I've managed to make the quartz crystals look like they're magically suspended.  Phew!  I love the simplicity of this design.  Even if I do say so myself.



I have a passion for clear crystal quartz.  It refracts the light beautifully.  Really sparkles and shines.  I find it fresh and uplifting.  Quartz is said to help aid the raising of energy levels.  I think that's why I love it so much.


I am repeatedly drawn to clear crystal quartz and its clarity, which I find so beautiful.  Do you have a favourite gemstone?




Do you believe in the healing properties of gemstones?

Beautiful Words - A Wishlist

I'm really enjoying my blogging break.  I've had plenty of time to:

  • Have a ponder (I find having a good ole ponder really clears the tubes).
  • Catch up on my blog reading.  
  • To run amok in the comments sections of all my favourite blogs.  

While having a ponder and a day dream, I thought about what I'd like to create more of in my life.  And then found this wishlist here.




Which pretty much sums it up for me.
What's on your wishlist?

I'll be back very soon.
Sending glitter and smiles,


New Year, New Blog Design!

I've spent the past week working on a fresh new blog design for Mimi and Tilly. I've used vintage Japanese washi paper I brought back with me from Japan years ago.  I've been saving it for a special project, and thought it was time to crack it out.

   A heart I made from Japanese washi paper

I've also used a picture of my feet.  Standing on a tea towel.  Classy.  As well as photos of jewellery I've made.  The dangling clear earrings in my header are made from antique crystal chandelier droplets and silver wire.

Antique crystal chandelier drop earrings


I love the brighter colours and fresher feel.

What do you think?

I'll be back soon with more blog posts.  This blog break is doing me the power of good, although I'm still catching up on my blog reading and commenting.

How are you doing?  I hope all is good in your neck of the woods.

Sending glitter and smiles,
   

Hello January!

I'm taking a little blogging break.  I'll be back very soon.  In the meantime, I'll be catching up on my blog reading and commenting.  I hope you've all had a wonderful holiday season.


Sending much love for a beautiful January.

 
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