Teacher Tidbits

Before I developed a long-term illness, I was a teacher and lecturer.  During term time I worked as a primary school teacher, and in the school holidays I lectured at a local university on how to teach English as a Foreign Language. I taught a whole range of age groups during my 12 years as a full-time teacher, finally finding the age group that made my heart sing when I was given a reception class of 4 and 5 year olds.  They creased me up.

I've never spent so much time counting heads.  Small children are fast on their feet, and frankly, pretty slippery.  I was determined to have the same number of heads at the end of the day as at the beginning.

The children made me smile, were playful, fun-loving, and unendingly curious about life, why they were here, and what the world was all about.  What's not to love about being around little people like that?  (OK, there was an inordinate amount of vomit and more than enough toilet accidents to go around, and a very unfortunate incident with a child who released the most enormously gassy emission on the OFSTED inspector and apologised to her with "I'm awfully sorry, I'm just a bit windy today", but hey, you get the rough with the smooth.)

One of the funniest things that I ever experienced as a teacher was with a little guy we'll call Roger. Not his real name.  One afternoon, as the school day was winding down, we were all sitting on the story carpet as I read to the children.  Roger politely put up his hand and told me he needed the toilet.  Off he went to the boys toilets, at the other end of the corridor from our classroom.  He was cool, calm and collected, and wasn't particularly in a hurry to get to the loo.

I carried on reading to the children, and after a good few minutes became aware that Roger hadn't come back. He was perfectly safe as there was no way he could get out of the building, but I wanted to be sure he was OK.  Just as I was getting up to go and seek him out, the classroom door was flung open and Roger nonchalantly sauntered in.  He smiled broadly and walked in a bit of a wonky manner onto the carpet where he'd been sitting.  He didn't sit down.

Instead he put all his weight on one leg, lifted up his other leg and gave it a really good shake.

With a lovely little thump, a perfectly formed lump of poop dropped out of the leg of his trousers and landed on the story carpet.

Roger smiled and uttered words that will stay with me forever...

"Oh, there it is!  I wondered where that had gone cos it wasn't in the toilet when I flushed it."

Frankly, you would think that carpet cleared of children pretty quickly wouldn't you?

Nope.

Every kid wanted to take a better look at what Roger had left for us.  One child even started building a little castle of books around it.  Creativity is a wonderful thing.

How Roger walked back up the long corridor with that gift rattling around in his trouser leg is beyond me.

The reason for his delay?  "I spent quite a long time looking for my poo Miss cos I couldn't find it nowhere and it wasn't in the toilet."

Very fond memories.

In honour of Roger's fantastic nonchalance, and the unending enthusiasm of the children I taught, to be fascinated with everything, I've painted a picture of butterflies and birds.  Not poop.


Untitled


Do you have any "funny children" stories?


18 comments

  1. There was an incident similar when I was in kindergarten myself where a boy had gone to the toilet and painted on the walls with his poop. The principal came in to our classroom and sat all the boys in a circle.
    She knew it was him, I suspect because of the timing with him leaving the classroom. He didn't confess though. My dad happened to be helping out that day as parents in the school sometimes did, and we will always remember the tone of disappointment she used when she said:
    "Mr. Evans!"

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  2. Brilliant Em!! Just home from a epic drive back from Leeds (wonky car needed to be driven super slowly by the boy) and this has absolutely cheered me up!! Roger sounds like a real character!

    Jem xXx

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  3. LOVE this story! Kids are pretty disgusting. My niece doesn't mind wiping her snot all over me. Little treasure.

    Sarah xxx

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  4. I've just spluttered tea all over the keyboard...

    Hope you're ok and the wet weather hasn't seeped in!
    xx

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  5. Your love for these children shows in your writing and your art. This is just what I needed this morning.

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  6. Hi there :-)

    Great story! It really made me chuckle this morning! Here's my little funny story...

    I was teaching my adorable little Primary 2 class about 3d shape a few years ago. The children were sitting in front of me and we were all passing round various shapes-cubes, cuboids, spheres etc. The class were enjoying the lesson and at the end I did a 'what have we found out today' type plenary to round things off. One of the little girls (let's call her Annabel) put her hand up and said ''I've learned a lot about cowboys Miss''. I sat and looked at her utterly confused with no idea what she was talking about. I said to her ''You have learned a lot about cowboys Annabel?'' and she said 'Yes, oh wait cuboids, not cowboys!'. The penny clicked and I understood what she meant. A mere muddling of words. Hilarious!

    It still makes me smile whenever I think about it. Happy days :-)
    Louise xx

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  7. Didn't realize you were a teacher, Em. Just one more reason to live you. I ADORE the bird. :)

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  8. Hi Em,
    Your pic is gorgeous and really cheery. I love the birdie.
    Roger sounds hilarious. I liked it when you said the little 'gift.' You have had me roaring.
    The curiosity of kids is lovely.
    Sorry for my lack of commenting recently. I love your blog and your kindness and warmth always shine through. xxx

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  9. Oh. My. Gosh. I cannot stop laughing...that has got to be one of the funniest stories I've heard in a very long time!!!! Definitely one to always remember!!!

    The painting is gorgeous!!!!!! So nice to hear from you on my blog!!

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  10. This is such a sweet, funny story! It reminds me of the show, Kids Say the Darndest Things! So cute. :)

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  11. Ha ha! Oh my goodness, that is hilarious! I like the fact that he didn't think it was a big deal - good for him. If it was me, it probably would have scarred me for life!

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  12. oh! oh how fantastic:):):)
    this is a beauty of a story,
    friend...thanks so much
    for the chuckle!
    the creativity of littles:)
    happy September, beautiful,
    Jennifer

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  13. Keep working, nice post! This was the information I had to know.

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  14. HAHAHAHAHA! I think I love Roger. Kids are hysterical, that's why I keep mine around...
    x

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  15. I have four kids and one day about seven years ago one of them had a friend round. He was in the toilet for ages but came out. I knew he had washe dhis hands because I could smell the soap and see the bubbles in the sink. Later that day there was a strange smell fromt he bathroom which get smellier and smellier. By the evening I was ready to call the plumber until I found a neatly packaged pile of poo (wrapped in loo paper) behind the toilet.
    I still see that boy and often wonder if he left parcels for anyone else.

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  16. What brilliant stories!!!! Magic moments to look back on!
    Gill xx

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  17. Oh that's funny! What I love about kids of that age is their total lack of self-consciousness and embarassment! x

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  18. That is the best poo-creativity story ever! Actually, its the only one I've ever read, you don't find the 2 linked very often :) Thank you for sharing it!

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