I'm sorry I haven't been around for the past ten days or so. But something a little bit strange has been happening.
Over the past few months since starting on this creative journey, I have changed. And it's been good change. I have felt a new part of me unfurl, and that has been interesting, surprising, and fun.
I've had a bit of a struggle sometimes on this blog to know how much of my private world to share. Too much information seems a bit uncomfortable for me and possibly for other people too. And I've always tended towards the less is more approach (unless that applies to red shoes). The whisper is louder than the shout way of looking at life (unless you eat the last cake). I'm a pretty private kind of gal.
So I've tended not to post for a few days if I'm going through a bit of a "thinking" part of being creative. I've tended to wait until I've made something new, and have posted about that. But I have to tell you that this creative journey got a bit intense recently. And I've been umming and aahing around whether to share it with you or not.
And again, because I'm an in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound kind of a gal (and also because I can't hold my own water, no matter how private I tend to be) I'm going to share. Whether you want me to or not.
Wild flowers near my home.
It's nine months now since I started this creative journey, nine months since I started this blog. And I began by trying out new ways for me to be creative. Baking, sewing, drawing, knitting. I spent time thinking about how I was feeling and what I wanted to make. It was fun. I found that I had skills I didn't know I had.
Then I found myself wanting to change my external environment. I wanted my home to reflect who I was, and I wanted to include in my home things that I had made. So I spent time changing how my home looked, adding fairy lights, bunting, the odd rag doll or two.
Then decided I wanted to change how I looked to reflect who I was. I stared dying my hair red. Wearing big, floppy bows in my hair. My style changed. I bought bright purple baseball boots. I ditched the black and found myself wearing pink, red, stripes, dots. And I tucked away my black messenger bag, and bought myself a flowery oil cloth tote. I'd never felt more me.
Then over the past few weeks something started to happen.
I've learned new things, I've changed my environment, I've changed my style. Where next?
More wild flowers near my home.
And then before I knew what was happening. Before I'd had time to strap myself in and turn on the "I Have No Idea What's Coming" sign. Well, that's when I started asking myself the Big Questions.
And we all know... When you take the lid off those boxes you haven't opened in a while... Well... No good can come from that.
At least not straight away.
These were the doosies that I found myself mulling over...
What kind of person do I want to be?
What kind of life do I want to create?
Am I happy?
What do I need to bring into my life so that I can be the kind of person I want to be, live the kind of life I want to live, and be happy?
How do I get from Here to There?
You can imagine the result.
It's been ugly.
There have been times, I'll admit, where I have sat, mouth open, with the silence ringing in my ears, looking generally stunned and confused. Every once in a while putting the kettle on to drown my sorrows in warm, sugary tea. Muttering gently under my breath. Tumble weeds rolling softly across my lounge floor as the clock ticked.
My cats have been forced to throw themselves at my feet, clutching at their stomachs and pointing with their paws to their mouths, in a bid to get me to fling some food their way.
Yes, it's been ugly.
It took more sugary tea than I'd expected. And more packets of ready salted crisps than I thought it would. But they're a winning combination to bring me through most instances of emotional Poking Around With a Big Stick. And I'm out the other end. My cats are well-fed. I've washed my hair. And I'm back.
With some answers to my questions. And that feels good.
I thought when I started this creative journey that it would be all about the art and craft. Making Things. The external stuff of life. I had no idea this whole commitment to creativity would be such a powerful internal journey. Creative thinking. Who knew?